Now with 50% more naked people

Ladies and Gentle--- *snrk*

Yeah right.

People of the ECCC. I give you the MHC Easterns movie! Now that you're all at home in front of your computers you can watch repeatedly without shame. Grab your popcorn and movie-enhancing beverage of choice and enjoy. Also, since I can't seem to get the movie to fit properly into the blog, watch the whole thing here: Easterns Video.



We kind of apologize if you and/or your school aren't featured somewhere, but we did ask you to send us video and pictures. Also, you should have come said hello! Now that chance is gone forever.

Special thanks to the entire ECCC for being fodder for our amusement these past months. I will miss you.

they've got a great tuck

Ok so what did I say 2 posts down? Let me paraphrase myself (you can go check for accuracy): "OUR RACERS WILL FUCK SHIT UP!!". I never lie (unless it's for personal gain) and this is one more instance where the truth came pouring from my mouth like a holy fountain.

With our supremacy proven, the team has had some very high quality new recruits:



They technically don't qualify for competition yet, but once the hormone treatments start kicking in I'm sure you'll see more of them on the racing scene. And yes, Hamlin's hand IS on Sully's chiseled buttock. Jesse is so above all that juvenile crap. He chose to get his fondling done AFTER the lights went out, when both parties had a little more dignity. Jesse is a consummate gentleman. Caitlin and Ashley are on the team too now but they're not pictured because they joined a wicca collective on campus and were out worshipping their menstrual cycles by moonlight and braiding daisies into their leg hair.

Tomorrow our warriors return from afar and we're gonna totally get wasted celebrate in a discrete manner.

MHC wins bike race: Swine flu defeated!

A winner is me!!!!111!!!one!

More thoughts to come post-nats. Crit today. Wish me luck!

Patience, my precious

I've been stumbling around campus like Amy Winehouse the last few days. I won't deny it. I probably don't have as many creatures living in my hair as her, and I don't have any gaps in my teeth big enough to be glory holes, but she and I are sisters in substance. I passed my biochemistry comprehensive exam (6 hours! over 17 pages!) and celebrated with every form of ethanol known to man. Then we busted out the hookah and smoked on the lawn till I barfed. Fact: I was telling a story about another time I barfed, when I barfed. It was like deja vu.

We sent our intrepid A racers Emma and Frances to the faraway land of Colorado for nationals this weekend. GODSPEED! We will miss them, but the hole they left behind will be partly filled by the presence of our FAVORITE uvm studmuffins, Hamlin, Jesse, and Sully. They're coming down for the UMass mountain bike race this weekend, which Marie, my darling little potato latke, will also be undertaking. They're bringing 2 hot babes named Ashley and Caitlin with them, let's hope those ladies don't get swept away on a sapphic adventure and decide to grow their armpit hair out and stay with us forever. It would be a loss for UVM. Anyway, we're housing them and we have a lot of special things planned. We're going to lock away all of the blankets to encourage the formation of one giant naked mass of body-heat conservation at bedtime. It will be team bonding. Between teams. And between butts. We're also going to bake one batch of special brownies and one batch of normal ones, then cut them up and mix them together, so that it's like a game of russian roulette every time you choose a brownie. Remind me to tell that story about my cat sometime. It relates.

I sent the camcorder with my gurrls at nationals so that not a second of racing madness is missed, therefore I will be unable to upload video footage to the net until they bring it back. Because it uploads via the camcorder. I WILL BESTOW THE GOODS UPON YOU ON MONDAY. I am 99% sure of this. The 1% uncertainty is in case I find another reason to be blitzed for the majority of the day. Like for instance, when Emma and Frances kick everyone else's asses. THEY WILL FUCK YOUR SHIT UP SO BAD THAT YOUR GRANDCHILDREN'S SHIT WILL BE FUCKED UP TOO!!! Ahem. Woooo!!

I'm writing my last lab report of my undergraduate career in the physiology/dissection lab. I've been here for over 12 hours. I have been eating at a table that hundreds of cats and frogs have been laid open on. It feels goooood.

Everyone should watch the races LIVE, they're being streamed!! Just open up one of those tabbed windows so you can have your porn in one window and the races in another. Or watch them side by side. That's what I plan on doing. I don't know who I'll be cheering for, the racers or the actresses. Both actually. By the way ask Jeff from UNH if you need any website recommendations. He's got a quality laundry list.
http://www.facebook.com/l/;http://www.fccyclingfest.com/303

TITLE? WHAT TIETL?

OY

Now that I'm properly lubricated for posting duties (blue moon, honey moon, etc) I was gonna be like, here's some videos. And some cha-cha-cha. You know.

But it's like WOAH time to film Frances in the shower. And put some porn on Marie's computer when she's not looking.

I can't work myu camcorder right now. But it's coming, do you hear that Joe, it's coming. YES I LOVE BEER. DAmn I'm so glad Joe & Caitlin found each other. Cuz he's like, the only dude who can handle that much woman. She's like an EXPLOSION of woman. And Joe has his explosives permit. Like those dudes who do special effects for Mission: Impossible movies.

I felt bad for crashing on the chicane at the crit but then like, everyone and their mom crashed too. We had 5 crashes on that crit and we only have 4 ppl on our team. Marie did not crash because she's too attractive to mess herself up. 5 out of 5 doctors agree.

My poor bicycle needs new shifters now. And new bar tape. someone should take that bike away from me. CPS. Cycling Protective Services. My bike is like "i don't like it when mommy hits me." And I'm like "...but mommy only hits you because she loves you."

we are drunker than shit right now.

I see your camel toe

(NOTE TO SULLY: BRING YOUR DDL SHIRT TO EASTERNS!! IF I DO NOT SEE THE DDL SHIRT I WILL BE MOST DISPLEASED)

For the ladies (and some gentlemen) of the cycling world, the camel toe has become an accepted, and in some circles celebrated, fact of life. But in the outside world, the sideways enchilada still carries a negative stigma. Some enterprising entrepreneurs are peddling a device called the cuchini which purports to banish the camel toe from the public vernacular. Behold:



This is an affront to cyclists everywhere, as our chamois are specifically designed to enhance and draw attention to that very feature. It's like erasing a part of your identity. Plus wouldn't it make your crotch kind of bulky looking? We cyclists are used to having a little junk in the front trunk. But the general public's attire is less forgiving of extra padding. For example, this lovely young lady's outfit would be ruined by the presence of a cuchini pad in her pants:

Masking the camel toe would ruin the intention, the message behind the outfit, which is to say, "Look at me! I'm not wearing underwear! My hoo-ha has seen more traffic than a NYC subway!"

I respectfully request that the ECCC impose a boycott of the cuchini.

In other more work-safe news, this weekend is gonna rock. I've decided not to do the road race because I'm not feeling particularly masochistic and I already know I hate climbing. I'm going to channel all of my energy into distracting and befuddling racers with loud heckles and glittery signs. It's what I do best. I will probably do real bad in the crit because, in the 2 weeks of convalescence since my crash at Dartmouth, I have done little more than drink beer, smoke hookah, and view unsavory things on the internet. Well that last one is something I do every day anyway. But it can't be good for cycling performance. I've been on my bike exactly once and while it felt good, it also felt bad. Because I was like wow, you can really let yourself go in the span of 2 weeks. 4 realz. But I'm determined to just go out, have fun, and most of all be safe. 3 is the magic number and I'm going to keep my number of season crashes at that number. My dad told me he's worried I'll never find a man to marry me because my face will be so banged up from all the crashes. Not true, I said. I will get rich after college and acquire a younger man for a husband who doesn't care about looks, only money. He'll be a model. Madonna knows how it's done, she looks like a zombie mannequin strung out on steroids but she's got that little model twink named Jesus wrapped around her bony/veiny finger.

I never mentioned my Dartmouth crash before, because I'm a dick and I didn't write a race report. In a nutshell: I attacked during the crit, took a corner a little wide, hit a tree branch, and landed in dogshit. The bridge of my sunglasses cut into my face and there was a lot of blood so it looked worse than it was. Went to the ER so they could glue the cuts closed. They got the glue in my eyebrow, and a few days later I of course couldn't resist picking at it. Marie kept slapping my hand away, saying I'd rip my eyebrow off if I kept at it. No no, I said, I wouldn't do that. Then she left the room and literally 5 minutes later rrrrrrip OH SHIT my eyebrow! It's on the floor! It looks like a bad wax job. Hopefully the hair won't grow back too funky. Eyebrows are weird like that.

So then anyway, on sunday at Dartmouth, I didn't race because I'd hit my head. I was put on marshal duty out in the middle of nowhere next to a field of cows, alongside the world's most awesome cop. He was semi-retired and spent 4 hours regaling me with the most messed up police stories I've ever heard. I honestly cannot repeat them here but if you're curious ask me in person. At one point I had to go pee in the bushes nearby. I asked him if he'd get me in trouble for indecent exposure or public urination. He replied, "Lady, when a man shows me his junk, it's indecent exposure. But when a woman shows me her junk, that's what I call a perk of the job." Well said!

I love you all with every cellular component in my body, especially the gametes. Group hug at Easterns!!!

X-Pot Weekend

Greetings, comrades!

After several week's haitus, we bring you video from the X Pot weekend. It shall be my race report. Good attendance, good racing. Except for the weather, 95 degrees, wtf? That sucked.

This week's major procrastination project is putting together all the best clips from the season for a video at Easterns. We might put a poll up soon on how much nakedness should be up there.

Edit: New poll!

Call for pics

We're putting together some footage from races previous for a little tearjerker of a movie to be shown at the Easterns banquet. Unfortunately some teams are sorely underrepresented in our footage archive, either because we just don't like them (OMG LOL j/k), or because (more likely) they didn't take off their clothing often enough to catch our attention. We are an equal opportunity team (though preference IS given based on sexiness) so if anyone has any video footage (from races or otherwise), or any pictures, that they wouldn't mind us using, you should send them to me. Nudity is alright as long as it's tasteful. Scratch that, distasteful nudity will probably be bumped to the front of the line. Let's just be honest with ourselves. It's all about the T&A.

SO send your embarrassing team crap to rachael.e.robins@gmail.com
If you've got footage on youtube, I do have the ability to save it off the website but the quality isn't great so if you have original footage that would be ideal. Don't make me fuck around with .wmv or any other unreasonable file formats, I'll shank your firstborn.

Long Overdue Race Reports

Woooo, we're still kickin'! Forgive our shameful neglect and tardiness. It's business time!

We'll rewind to 2 weeks ago. Yale. I'm not feeling particularly articulate this evening so this is going to be a picture-heavy post.

Saturday can be summed up as:

I was actually thanking the sweet Lord when I flatted out near the end of the race, because there was a lake in my shorts and I was putting out more watts towards shivering than propelling the bike.

That evening we had the good fortune to be bunking with Yale's most exquisitely generous Douglass, who is a gourmet chef and has the best teaching voice ever.


The fabulous Yale team treated us to a culinary smorgasbord, it was gustatory pornography. Pasta, goat cheese, salad, turnip fries, meatballs (Constance makes awesome balls y'all), homemade apple pie, ice cream, they made sure we had plenty to deposit in the port-o-potties the next morning. I like to pat my thigh every now and again and think that some of Douglass' homemade corn salsa made its way into my fat deposit there, and is keeping me company. A reminder of his generosity.

Sunday. Here's how THAT shiz went down. In picturebook form. I'm played by Dolly Parton, because it's my post and I get to be whoever I want.






















The End.

P.S.

coming soon!

I have not forgotten about posting. Believe me when I say that I am cooking up something tasty in the crock pot that is my brain. I have a research presentation on friday so I don't know when I'll be able to post about this last weekend. But it will be soon. In the meantime, please enjoy a few zesty romance novel covers (as inspired by Marie's internet tastes). Yes, we actually read crap like this on trips. Ask SHopengarten.